


Mockingbird

by EbonyPhotographs



Series: The Stagesinger [3]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: "Do the Creep" starts playing, Arguing, Blood and Violence, Car Tailing, I feel sorry for him?, I was really mean to them, I was way riskier with this than anticipated, Ignis probably gets turned on by everything except losing, Insanity, Language, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Predator/Prey, Resistance, Social Media, Song Lyrics, Suits, Unhappy Ending, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:54:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21608617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbonyPhotographs/pseuds/EbonyPhotographs
Summary: The Darkened PathThe delusion of reality is over. Ignis phantoms after the trail left behind by the stagesinger, praying with what remains of him that he may find resolution. With his broken soul, he chooses... dedication.
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia, Noctis Lucis Caelum/Nyx Ulric, Prompto Argentum & Noctis Lucis Caelum
Series: The Stagesinger [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1456093
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Mockingbird

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter literally turned out much longer than I wanted it to. I don't know what happened but, (laughs) here it is. It also became pretty dark in my opinion so I'm interested in knowing what you might think about it. For those of you [*cough* sickos] who were wishing for a canon Bad Ending, this is it. Don't hesitate though to try the good one afterwards! I hope you may come to enjoy either experience either way as they are both near and dear to me many ways.
> 
> Warnings for all my tags, please, just in case anything should bother you. If there are needed edits, I'm all ears. Thank you very much for the support and help that brought this story to a close. (rip Ignis' sanity)

“I’m so sorry,” Ignis felt another drop of drool hit the edge of the sink. “I didn’t turn out to be what you needed afterall… Noctis.”

The man stood weak in his legs avoiding eye contact with his reflection in the bathroom mirror. This was the third vomit of the week. Reaching for the newspaper this morning did him no favors. No matter what he resorted to, he simply could not forget the midnight raven from the bar. Even the refreshing coffee he had twenty minutes ago sank in his guts like hot coal being dropped in a bowl of ice water. Ignis wished he could only be content with pretending nothing was wrong. Perhaps he could ignore the memory of what happened, then he’d really be fine. But he couldn’t. The motionless behaviors were fruitless. Only devastating each organ that little bit more until there was nothing to keep him together.

Ignis found himself falling apart at the seams. Noctis occupied his every thought. _His every waking mentality._ The way he twisted and turned that night as they made love was haunting him in the most disgusting ways. It was a love of pressure and of pain. It was theirs, and by the skies above it was terrible living another day without having it again. The power of committing a moment to vivid memory was more awful than being engraved by blades. At this point, carving the truth into himself by those means might feel better than this.

Forcing food and slumber on himself erased none of those intense facts. The stagesinger was simply too beautiful to forget. His cries tormented Ignis every moment since those days ago. In his sleep. In his toothbrush and in his clothes. Through his hair and in every single fume of body cologne. _Noctis_. The sheer awareness of him… It rattled his ribcage when the break of day came after plaguing him over and over in the endless nightmares of sensual groans. Ethereal sensations like claws in his spine. He was everywhere. Occupying everything and never leaving him be. These days felt like months. That clock dragged along. Mocking him. Jeering the way Ignis sweat and suffered.

_Noctis_.

His quaking hand twisted the nozzle for water and flushed away the last of his excursion. What filth. This sight was despicable.

“Heaven help me…”

Ignis tried putting his head into his work up until now. The man took his car to traverse the same damn roads back and forth. Drained. Empty of emotion except maybe annoyance. Making himself as blank as he could to avoid those fantasies. It was all in the past no matter how many fragments were left of his heart in the aftermath, wasn’t it? Why was this still bothering him?

He acted as though he’d never had one night stands before. Though a unique one at that, that’s all it was really, if he thought about it. He took no other date offers since the late hour spent rocking Noct’s body against the backroom loveseat. Whispering foul phrases into the red ears of a writhing boy and swallowing every sound he gave back in humble confessions to an imaginary partner. It was a false encounter. A hallucination probably. So naturally – as the sensible man he thought he was – Ignis fought to disregard it. But for fuck’s sake, he knew letting go was going to be awfully hard if this was the third time in seven days he found his elbows threatening to break clinging on the rim of his sink. Puke. Appalling and repulsive… He didn’t want it. It exasperated him. The water rinsed down the drain on blast until the bile was washed from sight.

This was _his_ sin he committed. No amounts of water would cleanse that and no blessing of cleanliness was capable of saving his soul. After all this, was he even worth that much? He scoffed. _Not even a little._

“The whole day is ahead… get yourself in line.”

~

Noctis never came back to the bar. Musician’s night didn’t welcome his sweet familiar face. Only different people. Lies and more lies. How dare they. No more elegant feasts for Ignis’ eyes nor the delicious and intoxicating vocals for uplifting his heart. The man couldn’t stomach to stay there for very long without him to look forward to. The alcohol even lost its allure. It had so long ago and yet there were plenty of places in this city offering toxic liquids. He would find somewhere else to go. Somewhere that didn’t remind him.

There weren’t any substitutes however for the way Noctis said “I love you.” How that indirect phrase stained Ignis from the inside out so wonderfully. No… it _was_ deliberate. Just as the way he kissed his lips. Pleasant smothering… Pulling him in to make the entire world beyond them invisible. Hands in places they didn’t belong and sweetest saliva glazing their tongues. Warmth of bloodflow and cool of naked skin. It was gone. And nothing could quiet purge the proof of it. In spite of every hope Ignis had in getting Noctis to stay, to take a chance on him, the sadness came in and hit hard in his absence.

How could losing a stranger change so much? “You’re obsessed you fool.”

It was reality now. He was forced to face it and had no power at all to make it change. The man had quite a hand in the world of powerful influences – one of the business kind that could easily be tipped with money and status. His egoistic “sense of self” was all he needed when all else failed when Ignis was at his most persuasive; a convincer, yes, a tantalizing predator in a suit. But those powers had fallen flat. Useless in the attempts to be with someone he loved… or wanted to know so he had the right of proclaiming love. Expertise couldn’t help this situation unless he found the raven again. He would have begged (and he had), cried (that he did as well) but the expectation to privilege Noctis was crushed by Noctis himself. All prayers dashed in the instant that door was closed.

They were separated. He wasn’t going to face Ignis of his own volition. This much was clear in the time dragging by. Why _would_ he after being violated that way? Their two worlds were so close and yet so very different afterall. If only he could stand in the spotlight of Noct’s attention a second time. Perhaps he was worthy to amount whatever a long lost love could be and become something better. Even replace it. Give Noctis a _new_ beginning.

If forgetting the past wouldn’t work, then he refused to accept responsibility for failing Noct’s protection. He wouldn’t forgive it of himself. What if some other fool were to try the same trick with the complete intention of putting the only living soul to ever inspire change within him in danger? That reality could not be allowed to come true.

_There is only you._

There had to be a way to make him his again.

~

Much research led him around town. Up the hills and across the highways. Through stray concerts and to unlikely underground gigs he went. Looking. Studying. He went in clubs where the music played far too loud and the lights flashed way too bright. Ignis visited as many joints as he could, refusing to return from paid vacation till he turned up some kind of result. That was just how he was: calculated (the synonym for that is unmatched by anything other than “stubborn”). With one handsome check in his cash bag, he traversed dressed in his best.

Day and night. Relentlessly.

He saw the same scene wherever he went. It had always been there in the shades and shadows. It was something he tried not to see all his life. But the sun sets in this city, if you could even really tell with all the clouds looming around, and the women came out into the streetlights hiking up their skirts to give onlookers a show. Just as well did the men loosened their clothes, whistling with their bloody cat calls and foul vocabulary. “Good spirits” he once believed. How wrong he’d been. Such perspective changed after losing the singer – _his_ singer – and now the common flirtatious citizen came to repulse him. Every incompetent and lowlife body passing his path was an infuriation.

He breathed sharp through his nose while sitting at bars, lounging at public tables both indoor and out. He stared blankly into the spaces where he wished Noctis might be sitting, unsuspecting to meeting Ignis again. Maybe that way, he could surprise him and the joy could return. Eat away this nasty grime of hating reality around Ignis. Without so much as a shred of respect to their privacy, the agitated and lonely man in glasses scowled away. These people weren’t Noctis. They weren’t even decent. Why fabricate concern for fictitious discretion?

Ignis hid from anyone daring to approach him as more weeks passed. Before long, the message came across. People left him alone, eventually beginning to fear his glare. The razor-sharp pierce of his eyes lingering just behind deadly lenses and bitter remarks keeping an invisible arm’s length with others gave cold air to his aura. Lack of interest made him quite the frightening person when he had a rare laugh. He was twisting into someone he truly couldn’t recognize without an explanation why.

Some younger girls he overheard describing him as _hateful_ , warning their fellow females to beware. ‘Doesn’t look the safe type,’ they’d whisper. It was quite alternate to what he used to hear as a womanizer the last six years or so. He couldn’t remember the precise number of weekends he spent chasing hearts. Somewhere along the way Ignis must have murdered that old side of himself. What he did with the body, he couldn’t be sure. Did it matter?

Mr. Scientia blended into the background of a domain no longer resembling a town he could call home. A ghoul behind veils of a rainy world littered with faceless people… and their souls were transparent. There was only one person out there who would restore the smile to his lips.

He found his voice singing out from an open courtyard one foggy night.

Having absolutely no information to go on, Ignis was practically looking for someone non-existent. Might as well have seemed like just another single searching for “the perfect match.” But it couldn’t have been anything less prevailing than fate itself that coincidentally sent Ignis down the street of an area blocked off by traffic obstructions for the sake of audiences. He immediately slammed his breaks in the middle of the road upon realizing he was passing right through the late remnants of a community music festival. It took him less than a minute to park in the nearest empty space once he heard the sound of loud outdoor speakers spilling that unforgettable voice into the air. Pouring in through the crack of his window as he rolled it down, like waves of heavenly frequency, it flooded him.

Gods, could it be?

_“Now you say you’re lonely…”_

_Noct—_ “I can’t afford to miss him this time!”

The man threw himself out of his seatbelt and ran from honking horns and skidding tires across the pavement through falling beads of stray icy water that tapped against his spectacles. Ignis dashed quickly to where he saw a decorated stage lit by strings of lights laced with flowers and overlapping curtains. Soft strings played outward and echoed off building walls in whatever direction the air would carry them. He weaved his way toward the crowd of people then. This distance wouldn’t suffice. Not by a longshot.

_“Now you say you’re sorry for being so untrue.”_

**_Closer…_ **

It was Noctis without a second guess. Standing against the odds, pale and glittering under the mist of a thousand drizzling diamonds while he pulled in cold oxygen to sing. He was singing again… Gusts of heat straight from his sacred insides obscuring the microphone in ghostly bursts. The polish on his nails and sparkle of subtle so gorgeous… He was an angel in a beacon of rays.

_“I remember all that you said…”_

Pushing past shoulders, Ignis thinned the space between himself and the rim of a wooden platform where Noctis swayed. It was as though he were having the same dream on musician’s night only on new grounds. Seeing that soul once more… clad in stunning apparel, dressed now in white. His sleeves made of flowing fabric like wings wrapped up to protect him from evil. Holy. A cloud of purity yet a colourful gem in the sea of grey. Utilizing his voice now once again. He was a jewel of immortality humming promises through his lyrics. Noctis was a geode. Far too precious to be out in the open like this with anybody; they didn’t deserve him. He captivated Ignis’ core and stole his mind from him on the spot. Ignis became chained to him. Bound by his spell and sunken helplessly into his words. The deepest drink a man could drown in.

_“And now, you say you love me…”_

And oh, how beautiful he was. Worth every heartbeat of madness. If only he could get to him. Get him alone so he could tell him his wishes to begin anew… start over and make right his wrongs. _I’m listening, Noct. I’m here for you._

At that moment, surrounded and sensing that urge to hurl again, he was reminded just how safe it felt to abandon literally all else but the passion born by standing in his presence. How precious he was up there giving all he had even as the man that held his innocence right in the palm of his hands stood among the spectators. It was his hands that had desecrated him. The very ones that shook away the sky’s nighttime tears from his frames.

No one knew besides the two of them all the ways they cried for one another and he liked it that way. Ignis was certain Noctis must feel the same about him by the form of messages in his song. So exposed and sensual. Why, it felt to Ignis as though he were undressing again. Shedding his shields fashioned in a romantic strip he’d never fathomed before to evolve himself into a higher being on display. Yet he didn’t want to share that. Absolutely not. Again, the impulse of want possessed him. Both delighted and horrified in but a single verse. Ignis crumbled. Eyes glued.

Noctis opened his heart to the music. He took everyone by emotional surprise when his voice hitched. A rasp that faded on a chord revealing real tears; not a disguise of the weather. He was grieving. To Ignis – absolutely disillusioned – he was pleading a different melody.

_“Well, just to prove you do…”_

Ignis wasn’t necessarily fond of the way the rain drenched the shoulders of his overcoat. It picked up fast. Glowing on the lights. In this city, the water was an ordinary factor especially on such a starless night. It was Noctis who sparkled the brightest anyway. Enough to make up galaxies and moons in his body alone. Ignis didn’t mind either that the show would close down soon and the singer would vanish with the rest of the crew who brought this festival together. Eventually, clearing out would become mandatory, of course, and the stage set would need disassembling. The audience would scatter. But he would watch to the last breath. Every word from Noctis was a command. Those messages were for him; he was certain. Special beyond any other meaning.

_“Come on and cry me a river.”_  
“Cry me a river.”  
“I cried a river over you.”

He closed his eyes but a moment to soak it all in. “Sing forever, my dove.”

Ignis laid a hand over his chest to still his thrashing chest. As the music died down and out, finally trading from melodies to the continuous rainy showers, he understood that Noctis was more undone than before when the sparks first ignited. His flame seemed to flicker low beneath this rain. The manner in which he turned his back to the stage and ran a hand over his face didn’t seem pleasant. Ignis marveled with worry. Were his shoulders heaving? More importantly, why was Ignis smiling so if the words had evoked such sadness?

Ah, that boy was a shy one. Noctis would only continue to grow more enchanting, making Ignis infinitely fonder, wouldn’t he? It didn’t seem possible and yet here he was.

The stage crew took apart the setup quickly and left Ignis to watch where the phantom would go next. He could slip upstage now and use this chance to talk to him. The idea made him surprisingly nervous. But not yet. No… They should be somewhere more private before he said anything. And for heaven’s sake, he should have more to say than nothing at all. He’d look worse than idiotic if they came face to face only for Ignis to open his mouth and do nothing but blabber.

“Think, old boy.”

What were his options? What could convince the one in pain before him that Ignis was capable—the only one truly capable of saving him from loneliness? Of all the conceivable notions running wild in his mind, he knew above all else that he would _not_ be losing Noctis again.

~

There wasn’t a challenge in finding Noct’s address after tailing his escort. After being picked up at a hidden area around the back of the performance square, Noctis stepped inside a dark vehicle and the pursuit began. Ignis rushed back into his car then carefully followed where the stagesinger was going and how they were getting there. They took backroads, meaning one thing: that his driver (whoever that overprivileged individual might have been) was familiar with the highway and its traffic on weekends. That was the quickest way around these parts for sure. They knew their directions. Ignis was curious about them, almost in an inspecting way as he was led right to their destination.

From there, Ignis found a place at rear of the car to twist his keys and shift gears somewhere discreet with a view. He had turned his headlights off long ago and the hum of his engine died down beneath a little tree dropping heavy precipitation onto the exterior. The wheels of the vehicle ahead grinded against the wet asphalt just at the edge of a curb nearby a rather nice house. A single porch light was glowing through the dark on the two-story building. It was a quaint looking home on a fine neighborhood street. Ignis wondered if Noctis lived here or if there were any complications to his staying which could not be seen at first glance.

Suddenly, the back door of the car ahead swung open and dear Noctis hurriedly hopped out. Ignis was lucky not to have been noticed where he was, staring out his windshield to see all he could practically without blinking. Had Noct taken the time to come near him, if he were audacious enough to encourage that – or even successful enough to lure him over which would be overall a terrible thing with his driver still present – Ignis might have made the mistake of being honest about why he was there. A stupid choice really. One much too bold. He ran his fingers in nervous circles along his steering wheel and in his lap. Tugged anxiously at his own skin. Watched how this figure darted through the dark and under the roof of the porch.

Then, the front door of the residence came open. It offered warm welcome to the stagesinger and Ignis was surprised to see Noctis decline the invitation of an invisible person standing on the other side. Noct chose instead to enjoy the view from the deck a little while longer.

Was it Prompto who stuck their head out to summon Noctis inside? The name of “his goddamn roommate”, whom he felt more than fine leaving such quoted fixes to. He wished Noctis lived alone. That would make ringing his doorbell much easier. If he had the guts then there wouldn’t be any trouble in leaving his car to walk to the property right now. Simply complement Noct’s performance regardless of the shock he knew he’d cause showing his face again…

Ignis tried to think of what he would do with himself once Noctis was finished ogling out into the rain. That solemn… sentimental look of beauty written all over the features of his face. Ignis wasn’t content to be on his own yet again by any means, but was obligated to accept the blue-eyed dream was entitled his own rights and choices. He could disappear at any moment. And every second longer he remained seized Ignis with nerves. He knew how his position would come off. He just wanted to talk but this had long since transformed into a crazed stalking.

It was impossible. He couldn’t do anything in the end. He worried, waiting too long, and the fascinating gaze of the one he believed himself to truly love finally turned away where he retreated behind obstructive walls. Gone.

Ignis swallowed. The lump clogging his throat didn’t go away and the space inside his car was too hot and uncomfortable to tolerate. His clothes felt tight around his throat – a noose in form of a collar gagging his adam’s apple and a belt binding his swollen groin. All hope for his heart vanished. It was far too lonely. Noctis hadn’t even noticed him at all tonight, had he? Yet he felt as though he were going to wither.

Ignis saw a Prince today. Someone from years lost… or was it somewhere in a dream instead?

The high of their closeness faded. As long as he kept somewhere near to Noctis then maybe he would stay sane and find a way to cure the itch of this sickness. Maybe the boy was a sickness himself. In which case… he took a strange sort of pride of the disease he’d been infected with. It seemed to save him in all truth. _Now_ what he wanted was to share it and save them _both_.

~

Daybreak.

Ignis heard the muffled sound of a car door closing up ahead of himself. Good heavens. His bones and joints were stiff as leather. What happened? What time was it? The man lifted his knees as he tried to adjust from a painful slouch and hit a pair of car keys still inside the turn slot underneath his steering wheel. Ignis peeked around, squinting to see past his lenses.

_Did I fall asleep in the car?_

Forward of his windshield: there it was. The same blasted car from last night. The driver still an unidentifiable figure, a confounded enigma from where Ignis sat. He wondered who it could be and why Noctis was getting back on the road at what looked to be an extremely early hour. Yes, it had been the blur of Noctis drenched in all noir. Moving fast to avoid stray drops of slush still falling from the sky as he shook an umbrella of drips before shutting himself inside. Ignis didn’t get a chance at fully devoting to those questions nor the sight before him. If he chased now… If he just stayed wherever Noctis went… He began flinging the keys in the ignition to light the motor back to life-

-then retreated. “Dammit!” he shouted. He threw his hands against the steering wheel which startled himself. Was he trying to give himself some sort of godly right over foreseeing Noctis’ every movement? It wasn’t right. As the opposite car drove further from sight down the long road, Ignis knew he had to let him go, otherwise everything would turn to lunacy. He hadn’t been thinking properly at all. That was the problem.

For some while he sat there fuming with livid breaths. Finger tapping on the curve of the wheel. Counting his mistakes. Getting angry at the choices he’d made up to this instance. This was pointless. Ignis turned on the car then began to drive in the other direction toward home.

He was too tired. Ignis couldn’t remember dozing off in the first place. Neither could he conceive how it was even feasible since his brain was filled to the brim with overthinking. That turmoil was overflowing now. This was too soon. A better idea in his head pointed to swinging through an open window shop on the way back for a coffee. Maybe that would keep him awake so there could be focus on normal everyday things that normal everyday people were responsible in thinking about.

Working. Taking care of a home. Maybe adopting a pet. Picking up a hobby for fun and not a human being as a wicked self-proclamation of devotion. Noctis was not a body meant for ventilating Ignis’ troubles no matter what was said. No matter what was done.

_What is happening to me?_

Recognizing his arrival home happened in a haze. From parking the car in the lot, splashing through cold puddles and treading all those mocking steps to his door were obscured. Pacing his floorboards, slamming the contents of his pockets down throughout the interior, fighting to ignore his environment, plunged him into a callous undertow of missing time. Scrambled insanity twisted at him. Planted seeds of greed in him. Helplessly maddening Ignis.

The man kept rehearsing sentences in his mind. Things he could say or try to prove if he ever had the joy of reuniting with Noctis again. “One more time…” he croaked. “If I could be alone with you… That would be all I need to show you.”

His speculations of the stagesinger were killing him. It couldn’t be doing this much damage to his insides acceding to obsession. The literal idea that missing someone could cause internal wounds was irrational. But it sure felt like it.

“I’ve already slept with you.” Yes he had. That hadn’t been a delusion… right? He’d already felt the clench of hot thighs crushing around him… upward thrusts, sweat and clawing nails. Scruff voices colliding with his eardrums. Engraving rhythms in song inconceivable to forget. Teeth biting… bone and muscle mending into one. Right? That _did_ happen? “I must be losing myself.” Ignis grasped his head and shut his eyes. _Stay calm._ “Why can’t I remember? Noctis. Who are you? How do you know me? Who… who am I?”

Beautiful though indeed this adventure began, it seemed a villain in disguise. Perhaps Noctis played a trick on him. Deceived him somehow. No… for what purpose would that have been? That didn’t amount to the adoration he showed spreading wide open for his heart to splay affections meant only for his one and only. A soulmate.

_A soulmate…_

Ignis tried to remember. He truly gave his best to abandon what he knew and surrender his beliefs. Any falsehood of religious influences in his childhood, conviction or mentality. He rebuked every last bit in the hopes of finding the light to a world beyond his very own. He desired the enlightenment of anything he may have once called _his_ and truly retained it. He wanted to let in whatever and whoever he was. If he was someone…could he ever be exactly what Noctis needed?

It didn’t puzzle together. Noctis was a singer claiming recollection from realms of rebirth. Was Noctis crazy? Or could it be, perhaps…

“Am I really not yours?”

Ignis spun. Dazed and distrusting of his surroundings as though there were eyes on him in the walls awaiting him to break. He wanted to remember, but there was nothing. Nothing.

~

Sleep was torture the following night if he managed any at all by sunrise. Had he slept? Was sleep even real anymore? Ignis considered plenty enough already when his head rose with daylight and he wasn’t about to grovel back to that bar praying for a glimmer of Noctis. Loqi could always provide a pretty amount of details… but that wasn’t enough this time. No. Something had to give. He would reduce this pitiful cycle to ash, and he’d be damned if he let it happen to himself along the way.

He was through with ‘the natural way of things.’ Ignis drew a line through that torment. He’d put an end to the war.

Ignis brought his cell up level with his face. He scrunched his features at the screen’s brightness. After checking the time and skimming messages from coworkers, he mindlessly sifted several apps on his devise when something struck inside him. What other goddamn Noctis was out there in the world? It wasn’t exactly something common he’d heard in names before. Were the odds slim to none in finding him- “…Online?”

Ignis tapped to his search browser. Was he really about to become **that guy** who went to extreme lengths to find a partner who eluded his advances with every encounter? That would certainly make this stalking now, wouldn’t it?

Absolutely.

He paused as the light from his phone reflected a vast list of results off his glasses.

Magically, Ignis sifted over a quantity of numbers and images. _It’s really you,_ he thought as his eyes narrowed. Through multitudes of social media, he found photos of people surrounding Noct’s life that sparked untouched stories inside the core of Ignis’ chest. “Gladio…” he hesitated at a handsome man who appeared much older than Noct swollen with muscles and traced by dark facial hair. The recognizable stranger owned a pair of brilliant amber eyes and inked arms that swallowed Noct’s shoulders for an affectionate pose. “Prompto.” Ah, the one Noct was staying with. His sunny strands and dark sleeveless tops. Piercings and freckles. A contagious smile. Kissing Noct’s beauty mark. Innocence for the camera perhaps. _Unpermitted_ as well, perhaps. Sharing sloppy meals out in towns, some of which Ignis had never been to.

Now he could feel it. Now the taste of familiarity was nagging at him. “I know you.” Ignis grabbed at his head again. “I know you, why can’t I recall?”

Upon scrolling further through depths of Noctis’ connection to the digital world, he landed upon a particular status kicking his heedless desires to the forefront of his brain again. It was a recent addition to the many. One that made Ignis flutter. Tonight, he would be singing again. He advertised it. Everyone would know.

Had Ignis found something like this sooner…

“Tonight at six?” Ignis threw down his cell and flung open his wardrobe doors. His wrists sank into the rows of hangers and sorted through the sleeves until stopping dead on a special outfit saved for formal occasions. He almost laughed at the sight of it. What occasions? He thought to have wasted the cash on it some years ago. It appeared dashing enough, it just might appeal. Indeed does a little go a long way. A wicked sneer formed on his lips followed by the softest chuckle. “It’s a date then.”

~

He’d been aching to talk. Getting any time with Noctis was well worth the sacrifice even if it meant he could only watch his performances. That was probably the safest decision anyway. Restricting himself with views and not with touch or conversation might be plenty to stay in contact with someone who held a shell of his former self in his very hands. But it was a blasted shame he couldn’t have any of those things because the dinner-theatre restaurant was closed to all but exclusively listed guests. ‘No exceptions’ read the marquee. ‘Pissed’ was all Ignis could spell as soon as he turned from the building and paced to the sidewalks, wondering what could be done to suade the staff.

The windows of the establishment were tinted. All entrances were barricaded by velvet lining as well as guards and officials. High-nosed people. Unfortunately in this case, they weren’t the typical kinds who accept a heavy bundle of cash to look the other way. But Noctis was inside or sure to arrive soon. And here Mr. Scientia had come in such a fine, classy satin suit. A polished pair of shoes for his feet, a befitting sapphire flower resting in his breast pocket. “I even slicked my hair back for this. What a cruel joke.”

Destiny must have been playing games. Like luring him in as a starving fish with a plastic hook. Noct was just bait to taunt him. He’d bit down so hard and eager on this line, it only embarrassed him now to be standing before a chic club like this one. He could just go back and wait for a better opportunity. Overseeing updates on the internet might make him feel like a filthy watch dog if he resorted to it, but wasn’t there a smidge more charm to be had? Couldn’t Ignis figure something else out? For the sake of potential love (the lords above willing: maybe a second chance to start anew), just about anything was worth it.

Noct was _here_. Ignis was _here_. It was all too real now that time would not wait forever for them.

He needed to know who he was in his past life. Why Noctis wanted him. How close they could be. If they had a future together. If this mythical virgin held the key to giving life meaning. Ignis barely possessed interest in romance after so many reoccurring confrontations with emptiness. That heartbreak woke and cradled him to sleep every day for years. But because of Noctis – sweet, wonderous post-euphoria Noctis – the matter of living and dying began to matter.

There were no visible attendants around the far back of the expensive eatery. No watchful eyes. Ignis took his time casually strolling out of sight then doubled back to scour for a way in. His hands sank into his trouser pockets as he approached a single lit door along the flat back wall. Twilight was trading for darkness and little stars twinkled into lightly clouded skies above. About now as he could partially hear, the patrons were occupied devouring the show (boiling his blood in awareness that contemptible people came to feast upon-- “my Noct, how dare it begin without me”). Not a single soul should spot him picking the lock. It wasn’t viable a door like this _wouldn’t_ be locked but he had a few materials that could take care of the problem…

“Excuse me, sir. You can’t go through here.”

Ignis froze before reaching his goal, skid his feet in the dirt of the alley trail and stopped. He kept his hand buried deep in his pocket with the pick ready at his palm’s center. He glanced over his shoulder past his lenses. Why? Did the world want to keep them apart _that_ badly? Denial, shame and barriers… they were everywhere and it was past the point of making him sick. Some decade ago, Ignis might have blushed and waved his empty fingers in an anxious attempt to prove his lack of dangerous intent. That inexperienced boy might have bowed his head and agreed he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and needed to properly rethink himself.

“The hell I can’t.”

The man Ignis turned to face stared at him with a perplexed expression. Cool white light from the bulb above the door made its ringing while casting shades from their forms. The shadows looked to breath their very own life, listening to the whirling of car tires that came like a quieted hush from the roads in the distance. The two understand each other right then. Ignis wasn’t in the friendly sort of mood and this gentleman wasn’t inclined to backing down.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises,” they implored, “or I’ll just go ahead and get the police involved. How about that?”

_The nerve of using sass on me…_ “There’s no need.” Ignis took the man’s threat with credit. He shouldn’t be meddling. But Noctis… _Noctis_. He jerked his head down. “I am needed here and no one would let me inside. There was a mistake-”

“Of course.” The individual threw his hands to his hips. “That means you weren’t on the list. I’m sorry for whatever happened to keep you from entry but it can’t be corrected. Now you can take that information up with the boss if you’d like but there are no exceptions.”

_Don’t say it. I already know._ “Hear me. You don’t want to be what comes between me and what I need. I have no business with you. Please,” he stressed. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

The man pressed forward, obviously disgruntled with that statement, and Ignis held still. He was nervous. Sweat beaded his brow while two lids of lashes fanned in a passive panic. Then, his levelheadedness instantly turned off as a harsh clasp slapped over his shoulder. Flicked like a switch. Tension was only capable of withstanding so much. A menacing aura sank through in the touch and the suited stranger yanked Ignis away from the door. That type of talk was a red flag without question. The best thing to do was escort Ignis away, muttering this or that about not making stupid remarks if he wanted to get along.

Any distance from Noctis was unacceptable. While this fellow could never hope to understand that… it wasn’t obligatory for Ignis to really pity him for it.

One nasty rumble growled out of him. Ignis shook the man off and turned to them in full as he ripped the coat off his shoulders. The odd gesture startled this person and their defenses spiked.

“What do you think you’re doing?” they asked.

“Just let me inside. Please.” Ignis clutched his coat. His trembling… where was it? “I need to see someone.”

“We all need to see someone now and then but unless your name’s not on that list-”

“Please!”

“Begging isn’t doing you any good buster, now get a move on!”

At last, a destructive fire lit within the mint green of his irises. Then, in a second, Ignis dropped his coat down beside himself. He didn’t have to regret anything that came next.

**“I warned you.”**

Ignis’ foot launched off the ground at lightning speed and gave his fist all the momentum it needed to bust straight into the face of his opposer. Such impressive strength never seemed to exist though he couldn’t say it necessarily felt very good as the sting from it sent warning signals all throughout him. Still, he didn’t stop at one hit. Next came two, up to ten, up to as many it took to bring them down on the ground. By the time flurries of numbness and blind rage had their hold on Ignis, his lenses were gone. He couldn’t see.

The swings burnt. In each blow, the effort took a lot from Ignis, just not as much as his opponent. They hardly had time to defend themselves. The man was conquered once they were pinned beneath his legs. The rest… a blackout.

Reality dulled. The wind was cold and things were abruptly noiseless. He couldn’t hear Noct’s music anymore. There was no one to tell him what he could and couldn’t do. He shook his head trying to gather if he’d hit his own head on something and passed out. His bones were tingeing. Yet when Ignis returned his glasses to his nose from where they’d fallen in dust, he adjusted to the mess he had created. Mounted over a victim, he gapped in slow motion between his two bloodied hands and what could very well be the near death experience of—

“Oh no…” Ignis leant over, regretfully studying the face of the man. He couldn’t be sure whether the adrenaline rush inside was formatting sarcasm to season his tongue when he spoke or if it had been genuine concern for their survival. _If_ they’d heal. Ignis winced. “I gave you lenience. Why didn’t you listen to me?” He sighed. “I’m so sorry, old friend.”

Leaving him here was not an option. Regardless of the sheer absurdity to have beaten someone and not yet been discovered shook him to his core. With any actual hopes, this could be a fortunate evening afterall. A vile way to achieve one but there was still time to make it his nonetheless. Ignis tugged at his puppet strings to raise himself off the fellow’s lap with a solemn, nearly void expression. The strings commanding him were ready to snap without warning. Not before seeing Noctis could he cave into letting this act of evil catch up with him.

Unsettling the cataleptic prey, Ignis discovered a set of keys dangling from his pocket. _I’ll take those._ “Looks like I’m in the thick of it now whether I like it or not.” Carefully, he pushed the man into the darkest corner of the alley where he could be hidden by the branches of two large bushes. It would do for now. Gods willing, no one would find out. Ignis sulked with unbridled fear that this would resurface to take him away from Noctis when it mattered most. That would not stand. “You’ll be fine,” he mocked, almost chattering with no one but his own crazy self. Just a madman and his messed up dealings. What folly. “Maybe a stitch or two and a bad memory. I’m sure you’ll come to forgive me.”

Forgiveness. Ignis glared down at the obvious scuffle. He ran his shoes over the splatters – goodness, had he been so vicious? Covering up the trail was tricky work but he made it quick. He next ushered enough energy to shake off his jacket and rinsed his arms through a nearby water fountain. All that was left was to button up to look presentable. Ignis assured that he was stain free, fixed his hair strands into place, shined his shoes and erased the smudges from his glasses. Shaking wove itself in under his skin, coming with a vengeance in degrees horrifically jostling.

_I hurt someone tonight._ He had never laid his hands on anyone in a violent way. It wasn’t like handling Noctis. Every single muscle and joint payed the price for it, making mere movement challenging. And somehow, he was thriving. The animated release of immense wrath, uncaged like that, gave Ignis immeasurable complacency. With nothing in the way, he could take what he came for. Somehow, Ignis liked it. He’d never felt so alive.

~

“Madam?”

Ignis politely tapped a harmless finger to the woman’s shoulder. The waitress turned to him as she balanced a tray in hand and her expression, he noticed, was completely trusting. She didn’t look suspicious of a thing.

“My pardon,” she gave the man a mild curtsey. “May I help you, good sir?”

How delightful. A ‘good sir’ after what he just did? It was about time someone complimented him. Ignis cleared his throat adjusting his footing. “No trouble at all. I apologize for interrupting you miss, but I have been sent to inform you that master Ulric will be unable to attend his dinner with the musician tonight.” It took everything in him not to call Noct out as casually as he wanted. This was only an informative chat. If he made it more convincing and less personal, it might not give him away. Setting the ego on the shelf for this one, if only once. For the better of getting closer. “If he is to arrive here, his entrance is hereby restricted. There is no further information necessary to share.”

“Oh,” the busty lady widened her eyes in temporary shock. “My thanks for letting me know. It’s a shame though. Noctis was rather expecting him tonight. And I thought the two to have been missing one another…”

It equally took everything plus some not to let his eye twitch. Ignis folded his hands in front of himself. Manners, manners. His smile cut through and held the woman but a moment longer to the spot. “Yes, it is quite unfortunate.”

“Absolutely. His name shall be removed from the listing then.”

“Thank you for your time, ma’am.”

“Please enjoy the rest of your evening, sir.” She nodded her last and saved herself an attentive scan up and down Ignis’ body. He feared not for what she might be looking for. Like most, it was clear she was thirsty for something. Disgusting how he had been just like her. Not a care in the world. Her loss.

Ignis upheld his smile all the while making himself one with the crowd of finely dressed people. So natural. A chameleon leeching to the setting feeling quite clever. He reminded himself that these faces didn’t matter. None of them (from his past or not) held an ounce against his beloved. Tonight was for them. Nobody was of more importance than them and nothing amounted to the love between them. There was a special magnitude that couldn’t be fought. It brought Ignis here just as it wouldn’t let him stop.

Running his fingers along the sleek of his suit lapels, Ignis spotted Noct already taken to his own reserved table. Only two chairs. It couldn’t be more perfect. Ignis could put everything behind him. His lungs expanded as he sucked in a long drag of air. The artistic vocal stage act may have been missed but Noctis would not need some other man to eliminate his loneliness. Not since his one and only overpowered the obstacles increasing their division. So long as he was able, Ignis would not let anyone near Noct. No strangers off lists ‘missing him,’ no come-and-gone lovers, no one.

He stepped up toward the white clothed table past scents of champagne, glowing chandeliers, snobby laughter and jars of roses. Heavens… _Noct_. Reunited again. Each time was a grandeur. Majestic how the clothes covering Noct’s skin, though hiding the delicious body beneath, managed to put Ignis in a more erotic state of mind. He threw the putrid world he thought he belonged to away at the sight of him. The phantom was here. Ignis slowed down to try and memorize the back of his head.

Noctis. All pristine and glossy in this atmosphere. Too incredible for words. Almost his… this creature was almost for the taking. His pale hand stretched out for the decorated menu before him and it looked as though this wasn’t his first or even second time doing so. He must have already been waiting. On the one hand, it was providential to Ignis this ‘Nyx’ hadn’t showed up yet. He’d have made a larger scene indoors than in the alley if Nyx was at the table. The thought of anyone swooning Noctis revolted him. Though part of him did grieve for Noctis being lonely.

_Not much longer, darling. I’m here for you._

Covered by the widespread wings of the menu, Noctis hummed quietly to himself. He sifted the lists of fish dishes by what appeared to be a default habit. There was temptation in him to order for the road so he could leave here on his own, but that was a wasted night from his point of view. Maybe one more sip off his nearly empty wine glass would do before deserting this place. His lips passed a sigh then sorrow worked its way around his body. When his eyes flit upward, however, he caught motion of someone finally sitting down.

Relief came first. But it wasn’t very natural for Nyx to be sporting the pompadour hair shape with such copious amounts of hair gel. Plus, the dusty blonde colour was really throwing him off. His expression muddled. That’s when Noctis shook his head. His eyes went round.

“Ignis?!” The two fixated one another – Ignis immediately drawn in and focused, studying a painting. Targeting Noctis who laid the menu down flat. “How did _you_ know I was here? And… where’s my date?”

“You needn’t worry about him, Noct.” The man unfolded his fingers for a guiltless shrug then linked his knuckles to the shape of a bridge for holding his chin up, admiring Noctis and how beautiful he looked in this place. In those clothes. With that flustered startle. Flawless. Mesmerizing in exquisiteness. “It was simply too much for me seeing you on your own and for so long with no one to join you. Won’t you let me take this place instead?”

Noctis slouched back in his chair. A timid shade blushed over his cheeks. “You can’t be for real, Specs.”

_Specs._ Now there’s one he hadn’t heard in ages. Just that single puncture to his composure from lives long dead was enough to resurrect something inside he didn’t know he even had. It gave him motivation as though he not only had to fight to win, instead of being guaranteed his prize, but also that he _wanted_ to fight. He wanted to relish the oxygen gracing back and forth over the table.

“No teases tonight, my dear. Unless you’re in need. I assure you I’m not as cold as I look.” Yes, he could give anything if it was what Noctis asked for. “I’m certainly not as narrow as I had been before. Might I be permitted to apologize for that now? Make up for it with a toast?”

“W-What does that mean? I’m not sure, this,” he cut into anxious laughter, “makes… any sense.”

“It doesn’t have to. Ulric is a halfwit making you sit the way you had been. While I’m ashamed to have missed your performance, the highest honor is finally being close to you again. Isn’t it nice?” Ignis politely took up an embroidered napkin and folded it over his lap to get more comfortable. “Regardless, Noct, you struck me as melancholic. You’re too striking to be wearing that frown.”

“I-Ignis…” Noct stammered. After a heavy swallow and the attempt to gather up anything of a language, he stalled at the contact of their gazes. Questions, so many questions…

If there were any doubt, Ignis couldn’t ignore what he couldn’t even see. Ontop of that, his cautious responses flattered him. Detail after detail sculpted Noct as a masterpiece. Precious, and oh so cute.

“You’re stunned I see.” Ignis fixed his glasses. “I can imagine this choice of location is not the most ideal for your personal tastes. In spite of that, you went through all the trouble. You wished your voice to be heard, yes? I’ve been ready to truly hear you for quite a long while after our separation. There must be endless storms brewing inside that mind of yours. Talk with me, Noct. I’ve missed your voice.”

Noct’s motions were limited. His breath turned slow. Eyes wary and fingers pinched tightly around themselves underneath the table. Knotted in his lap. Picking at the edges of his fingernails. He wasn’t certain which emotions were trying to show.

“I can’t let you suffer being stood up and stuck with a bill,” Ignis continued, his vocals a deep, confident melody which just about crumbled Noct’s guard. “There’s no need to be afraid. Forgive me the dismay you’ve endured till now. But I can keep you company, Noct. Why not make the most of this? We can eat together; no dutch. A young man dressed the way you are needs someone at their side afterall, do they not?”

It was evident how disconcerted Noct was, almost suspicious that Ignis knew the full name of who he’d been expecting. Ignis seemed as sightless as a man without eyes. Or filtered perhaps, as though he could only see one thing. He might as well have been wearing a blindfold with his own delusion glued to the inside. Noct was astonished by the lengths Ignis had exerted to get here, with none of them being necessarily clear. It upset him. Yet… what if he could forget things for a while, really? Overlook the world. Let go of reason and comply to a dinner with someone he traded his innocence to?

“You’ve been biting your lips lately,” Ignis remarked, breaking Noct from his evaluation of him. “I can see it. Do they not hurt? It’s left such strain on your pretty skin.”

Something in his tone told Noctis how Ignis valued the shape of his mouth. It made him self-conscious of licking them, knowing nothing of their blemishes would give ugly impressions. He was right of course and the swollen bumps proved their pain by the scowl that quickly followed his gesture. It was as he gazed Ignis over that he caught himself lingering far too long on that suit of his. Noctis cursed at himself for admiring how handsomely he fit here. Decorated finely like a man he might have remembered. The way the fabric clung in such complimentary places and the sharp edges of his shoulders shaped his broad width. Just the right number of unbuttoned slots to look loose. His jaw which could cut. A smirk worth fawning.

Noctis was damning the parts of his heart that cast warning signs and came at the edge of saying “fuck it” just to treasure a dream of having someone back in his life whom he once couldn’t live without. It might still be possible. And Ignis resembled so much, even down to the way his face indistinctly reacted in satisfaction to Noct’s steady admission of defeat. He damned that devilish charm. Wishing things both sensual and spiritual again. Although, it was the unknown behind his exterior that Noct feared. He barely had his fingers around the base of his wine glass, ready to give in – “What am I doing?” spelled on his forehead – when he began to hesitate. Was it just his imagination…?

“Ignis, is that… _blood_ on your suit?”

Temporarily snagged from his marveling, Ignis’ eyes widened ever the slightest bit. He checked down at himself. With the wave of his hand against the silky fabric, he gave a soft chuckle. “How careless… Nevermind that.”

“Sure. That’s a simple thing to ask when you see blood on someone’s clothes.” Noct crossed his arms.

“There’s no reason to let a stain damper your mood, Noct. Please pay it no heed. It’s only a spot. My own, you see. A little embarrassing I’ll admit.” Ignis thought quick as his mouth moved on its own to cover him. He had been so sure there was nothing left of that putrid incident left on him. Not anymore. It was scaring Noct. Closing him up. _No…_

The light of the restaurant shone across Noctis’ hair as he tilted his head. “Your own?” he asked, and Ignis felt himself melt. Maybe Noct had been skeptical, but was he honestly concerned? “Are you having nosebleeds?”

“Don’t trouble yourself. Our reunion is a cause for celebration, not distress, and I hate to see you bothered in the bad sort of way.” Ignis took it upon himself to nod the wine glass at his side in the air towards Noctis. He gave it a sample sip, letting the alcohol surge through his mouth, warm red liquid sloshing down his tongue before swallowing. No doubt, it was intended for an ungrateful hound who wouldn’t have appreciated Noct nearly as much as he did. That made the red fluid all the more favorable. “Have you enjoyed the selection of drinks already? This one has quite a sweetness I haven’t tasted in some while. Tell me, what do you think?”

“…the drink?” Noct squinted.

“Yes,” Ignis’ response was cheerful. “I suppose I could find us something similar for when we are in closer quarters. Now that we are together, I can provide you with the finest things. Don’t be shy in letting me know what it is you like most, in any circumstance. You’re still quite the picky eater, if I recall?”

The poised man lifted his cup slightly higher to take another drink. And what a lively feeling taking that second sip was. Here, he was as sensual and blunt as he wanted to be. A better man than he used to be. The jubilation it inflicted Ignis being alive before the man of his past, present and future was simply so unbelievable. It put his craze due to unanswered queries in a guillotine, slaughtered with a swift demise. He worried not for anything anymore. There was only himself and Noctis. Freedom of control over himself, and absence of this planet. He thought he might fly straight from his chair and levitate in the air. A butterfly or a cloud, blissful and ecstatic.

“I, never told you that. S-Specs, please…”

“Of course! There are plenty things you need not share in order for me to know about them. I am always happy to learn more of you though. I’m an open man, Noct. We are surely both aware by now I’m the only one who could-”

“I can’t do this…” Listening to Ignis finish that sentence was going to rip a hole right through him. Noct shook when he breathed out. He set both his hands flat on the table and stood from his seat.

In a flash, Ignis flew to his feet. “Noct, wait! Where are you going?” Things were well to him. Had he said something wrong? Why did it seem the fear on his beloved’s face… wasn’t quite anxiousness, but resentment?

“I didn’t want things to turn out this way.”

It seemed Noct’s voice might be lost to the chatter around them if he whispered any weaker. Pieces of reality smeared around them as Ignis feathered his eyelids. Noctis was displeased? He hadn’t said that just now. It couldn’t be. Ignis panicked and followed Noct’s every movement. They would be soon to stand out among the others up on their feet like this… He placed his hands on the surface of the clothed slab.

“I’m leaving, Ignis, and you should too.”

“But…” Hurt cascaded over him. A curtain thrust over the stage before his finishing piece. This couldn’t be happening. Not after all he’d done. “I don’t understand. I can give you everything. Please tell me you are not afraid of me…”

“You’re obsessed with this. I can’t take it right now.” Noct’s methodical drop of cash onto the table was hasty. Not the regular way of tending a dinner ticket, but he was prepped to bounce, and fast.

“Why are you resisting me? I’m doing all I can.” Ignis creased his brows and softened the raised urgency in his voice. “Do you not see how much I love you?”

“If you would just stop and listen!” The singer used something he’d never weaponized against Ignis: a shout. A hateful one. It caused eyes to turn their way. All Ignis could see, all he could feel, was horror. “You need time to figure your shit out and obviously giving you a choice isn’t leading us anywhere. I need to go. This time, don’t come after me.” Without waiting to let his burn cool from scalding Ignis, he began pacing away, however far away he could get, but Ignis lurched in his direction desperate to convince Noct otherwise.

“Where are you going?” he repeated. Embarrassment. It made him feel obscene, horrid. “Don’t be disappointed in me, Noct. Please—let me come with you!”

“You don’t need to know where I’m going. I still don’t know how you found out about Nyx. I should have worried the moment you sat down. How do I know you didn’t do something to him, huh?”

The table grew smaller behind them as Ignis stepped in Noct’s shadow. “Please don’t go out and walk alone. Do you have someone to drive you home? I’m afraid what might happen to you in the dark-”

A whirl of black hair twirled and Noct’s face snapped at Ignis. Their shoes almost rammed into a jumble. “Is that a threat?”

“No!” Ignis waved his hands. “That’s absurd! I would never try to hurt you, Noctis.”

“You’re hurting me right now by doing this.” The man harassing his raven immobilized. “Look, would you just calm down? This isn’t goodbye… You know that I miss you but you’re being ridiculous… so you should go home for tonight and figure things out for a while. Ignis, please. Do what I tell you for your own good.”

“ _You_ are my good. You are my home. I have nothing without you. It’s just like you to worry, but you simply must see that I cannot function if we are apart. I need you, Noctis. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t even do basic thinking if I’m not where you are. I’m begging you. Don’t leave me.”

“Stop.” Noctis affirmed his words. He stepped up closer, and oh how Ignis wished he could swoop him into his arms and kiss him. End this conflict with their lips. The onlookers were insignificant. The crashing of broken dreams and shattered prayers however tore Ignis to shreds. “ _Stop_ ,” he said again, and Ignis thought he might weep. “Please don’t do this to us.” There was fear written in Noct’s skin. Dialect scars carved in the flesh of his vessel. “Let me find you another time on my own. I will… You have to believe that. But… you’re scaring me. I think you’ve been a little overwhelmed by everything that happened back at the bar. Give yourself some room to heal… and when we see each other again, I can explain every-”

Slowly did Ignis shake his head. “No, Noct.” He denied that outcome. He could not bear to face it. That was a request he would never dare to fulfill. “I cannot wait any longer. It isn’t a choice for me. I have tried letting this go and the success is impossible. You have to take me with you. I’m dying without your presence.” He paused. “Since I met you, I’ve found purpose. A meaning, and the hope that suffering has reason in this life. Don’t take that away from me. You’re supposed to be the one I love. Just let me be alone with you and I can prove it. I’m more than good enough. Tell me you love me again. Tell me I’m needed and missed once more. I don’t think I could stand parting with those words, Noct. Not another day. Please.”

Those jewels of sapphire toyed with him. Seeking and never finding. Two diamonds reaching within Ignis. What did they find? Why did he linger? Noctis didn’t run. Ignis inched toward Noct’s arm, their only privacy being the archway dividing them from the restaurant guests. Those violating hands… perhaps more unfit for such an insightful being, though he’d loath to admit so. He wanted to be deserving. He wanted Noctis. He touched him and combated the tears he believed to have dried from response to emotion.

“…Please.” Ignis spoke from his heart, fingers gripped to his wrist. What subsequently ensued to blurt his lips made zero sense. “ _Highness_ …” His vocals strangled in his throat. His very essence cried for Noctis to remain. Losing him would be the undoing.

Ignis hadn’t managed to trash ideas of others taking his title of lost lover. He certainly didn’t disregard the thought anyone might be better than him. But rejection by his very muse? How would he live after tonight? Noctis tightened his lip, tugged away from Ignis’ hand, and stepped backwards from him.

“I’m so sorry I did this to you… Please, don’t follow me.”

~

By the time Noctis arrived at his front door, he immediately knew something was off.

The key slid through the lock and let him in with ease – granting relief after his depressing trek back. He took a taxi, alternating between vehicles for fear of being tracked. Leaving Ignis behind in the fashion he did had been a brutal decision to make. _Highness_ , he’d said. An appellation unused for ages… There was no other way he could possibly know unless he was ‘the one.’ But his first ominous indicator to tell him home was not as safe as he thought… was the porch light. It was turned on. Noctis checked the chain latch that dangled uselessly at the doorway’s edge. Prompto couldn’t be home yet if the latch was down. He always locked up the house if he was alone inside. That would be the only reason the light was on. This couldn’t be his doing.

Another bizarre sign that something was amiss: candles. Masses of them. Noctis stared over the space of their living room. Surely Prompto wasn’t up to anything stupid. Noctis guessed a ludicrous reasoning behind this setup. Maybe a cheesy congratulations for a (failed) date with Nyx. He took a few strolls down the hall searching for a tacky welcome back sign or any silliness along that length. Noctis took off his coat and laid it over the back of his favourite lounging chair. Returning to the entrance with no sight or sound proving the purpose of a flame lit path to his bedroom, he gripped his hand delicate and nervous on the edge of the railing to the stairs. He lifted a shoe and placed it on the landing.

“Prompto?” he questioned to the open. After waiting for an answer that never came, he began treading the steps to the top. “Is this a joke or some kind of weird shot to get back together? Because I’m not in the mood for either one of those right now.”

Slowly he climbed, counting the little dancing wicks as he went. He was uneasy and inexplicably fearful. Prompto hadn’t done anything this extra in a while. He thought his old friend was understanding enough not to take the teases too far. This was worse than unusual. This abnormality was far beyond Prom’s kind of flirting. Not even flirting; this felt like an invitation as though he were expected in a way Noctis _didn’t_ like. So what did this mean?

“Where did you even get all these? Were you blowing our check at the store while I was gone?”

So many candles. It was unfair he couldn’t afford to waste more money on them for fun. These were the pretty kinds. Some tiny, others huge, dripping wax and swirling fantastic scents throughout the house. His head moved slowly as he arrived to the top, eying his open bedroom doorway untrusting.

“You better not be in there or I’m kicking your ass, P. I’m seriously not interested tonight. I had a bad day. Can’t we just talk instead maybe?” No replies. “Come on, this silence is creepy.”

Warily, Noct stepped in. This was his space. Nothing should nuisance him here. He went on his tip-toes, unhumored and impatient. He was restlessly ready to stop this distasteful shenanigan… when a mute breeze tickled his hair, Noctis turned, and his bedroom door clicked closed.

“I know you’re afraid of the dark,” said a gentle whisper, a smile sweetly embellishing the words, “so I left the light on for you. Welcome home, Noct.”

Despair splayed over Noctis as he set sights on a pair of glasses shining with golden trims from the dozens of flames. Ignis pushed off the wall where he stood waiting, previously hidden by his soundlessness behind the door, and encountered Noct so sluggish, it made his insides churn. “You—you fucking broke in?”

Ignis relished the heat of the room. The dragged himself closer to his songbird, air expanding his chest. “My apologies. We’re completely alone now. We can talk freely. Unless you’d rather not speak?”

“Didn’t you get my hint? I’m sorry but I-”

“Don’t be angry. I’ve asked nicely so many times… I know it takes a little push for you to mind.” Noct bravely resisted flinching when Ignis’ cool fingers grazed the edge of his face, trailed down his throat, and claimed his shoulder. “Yes, you’re quite the hard-headed one.

“You knew Prompto wasn’t here… didn’t you?”

“As luck would have it,” he exhaled good and slow. “We shouldn’t think of that. I’d rather ponder how beautiful you were tonight, Noctis. I would have wished to see you sing again. There’s… plenty of time to make up for what was lost, wouldn’t you say? Would you… let me hear you?”

One foot at a time, Noctis found his back flattening against the nearest wall. Nothing about this was decent. The shame that it was, Ignis couldn’t see consternation on Noctis with both his hands – wetted with detectable glosses of his bedroom body sprays – roaming about his torso. Caressing and brushing his chest, arms and finger joints as though the events a few hours ago had never transpired. Had only the circumstances been different… He knew he loved Ignis. What he also knew was that Ignis wasn’t going to give this up. Abiding logic or remotely considering any sound advice had lost its chance.

Ignis pressed himself into him, closing his eyes. “Soon you will see in time, Noct. I truly know everything about you. It only took me until now to realize it. Being together will make us whole again. I _need_ you. One day when you see it, you will understand that you need me too.”

Chest to chest with him once more at last filled Ignis with resurrection of yearning. His hands restricted Noct’s wrists with surprising force. As if Noctis himself were some sort of overpowering drink – intoxicating how he pried at him with that influence – Ignis ate him alive with his eyes. The presence of rushed heartbeats meant this moment was right. Something this right couldn’t be wrong. It had to be his. Preciously his. For now and for always.

“Noctis. Can I touch you?”

Noctis twisted for a moment, then became still. The pair locked in fevered eye contact. There it was: the heated gust of breath leaving Noct’s lungs sighing out from inside him. Hot oxygen. Ignis received that air into his own with a faint cry of pleasure.

“One condition.”

“Anything.”

He had already proved his words were perverse. Untrustworthy. Noct wet his lips, a choice ensnaring Ignis to stare along him, keener than before, then nodded towards the bed. “Let me lay you down.”

To be giving Noctis permission for such a thing had him smiling in delight. Finally he could be accepted. He wished more than he could express to be wanted. Held. Warmed with affection. So long as Noctis remained chained to that loyalty, he could live, and he could die through that liberation. _As long as I have you, no one else wins. I have resolution._ “Do you want me?”

“I want you to obey.” He made his persistent demand unable to bend in contradiction of exceptions. “Give me what I want…” the life in his eyes dulled, sank, then faded. “…and I’ll stay.”

“Say it again for me Noctis.” Oh the confession of Noct’s submitting. The one he pursued since first tearing into his untouched body on the dirty couch of an ancient theatre backroom. Professions of all he ever required. “Give me your voice and I will be all yours. I will never leave you, Noct. Never. Tell me you’re mine.”

Still with wrists clutched, Noctis peddled Ignis in reverse toward the edge of the mattress where he watched him fall. Needless to say aloud, Noct hated this compliance, but this chase would not cease without it. What would it save him? Ignis wasn’t going to change.

Not all lives are good ones. Noctis thought so as he mounted over Ignis’ lap, a place already erect with carnal wants. Disconnected and opposed with his resort, the Prince lathered his lips over Ignis’ mouth. He was met by noises of satisfaction while fingers danced in his hair and invited themselves beneath his clothing. This was probably the closest thing to relief his dead Chamberlain had felt in this excuse for scrapping by in every day-by-day woe. Admittedly though a rough kiss which worsened the splits in his chapped skin, Noctis leant back to stare Ignis over before removing the glasses from his nose. He whipped away the trace of saliva from the edge of his cheek, then groped both palms around Ignis’ throat. He clutched tight. Spitefully so, leaving narrow room for mercy. The constriction snagged air from Ignis’ throat. He thought he might lay there blissfully wishing his blood to quit flowing. For Noctis alone would he dream the last of whatever waste of life was left inside him be choked free. It would cage them together. Forever.

Ignis let it happen.

“I’ll stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's up to you to decide how that ending sticks. For me, I think I know. 
> 
> And there it is. Despite my struggle to really wrap this one up, I thoroughly fascinated myself with taking on a Deadly Iggy type vibe. A blind idiot is what he turned out to be. "Not all lives are good" afterall, huh Noct? (I'm sorry *sweats*) I wanted a suave and romantic Ignis to contradict the Good Ignis having little confidence but a happy outcome. This Ignis was just too sexy and he lost everything. I guess. Or freaking crazy. One or the other.   
> (It's also up to you who Ignis destroyed at the restaurant. Thought I'd keep that anonymous for reasons *exaggerated wink*)
> 
> Thank you again very very much for sticking with me through this. Reincarnation aus are super thrilling. I might even look this way again someday. I appreciate every kudo and comment! (U v U)/


End file.
